QotD: Friendship Choice

Would you rather have one best friend or ten acquaintances? Why?

If by "acquaintance" we mean casual friend, then I can answer. But althogh the defenition varies, to me an "acquantance" is the girl who bags my groceries. So sue me, I'm into semantics.

I think the idea of a BFF is kind of for high school students, no? By the time we're through college I learned that friendships are like the lithosphere - constantly churning and changing. So I consider most of my friends either "casual" or "close". Bones is one of my few long-time friends whose idiosyncacies I can forgive and forget for a long-term freindship.

I have one very "devoted" friend from school who calls me often and lives close by. Unfortunately it turns out that she is not the greatest friend. If I tell her something personal, it's pretty much guaranteed that everyone will know soon after. Also I had a practicum interview and told her about it. The next day I found out she had called my supervisor and basically said, "Well you hired Ellie, why can't you hire me too"? Not cool.

Luckily I have other really good friends from grad school, who actually have integrity. We are all doing field work and having a great time helping each other. So the aforementioned friend is being phased out. Flexibility. Things change.

Tags:

Next Posts

Previous Posts

Comments

Little Odd Me
Gah - I can't believe she called your supervisor!
Little Odd Me

I also can't believe that comment posted before I was done with it. :P

Also very not cool. Hee.

Raymond
My problem is that it would require more than 10 'acquaintances' to make application for the postion of best friend. Of course, it may have something to do with economics in that everyone these days seem to be looking for a friend with benifits. Speaking of which, one of the hidden benefits (darn, I wish i could speel that right) of being homeless is that those who wish to acquaint themselves with me are a bit more sincere. Unfortunately however, the top position is so much harder to fill. ;-)
six-string gypsy
oh I agree with you on BFF being rather "high-schooly".
your devoted friend sounds maybe a bit like my ex-friend I had mentioned - nothing was sacred. you tell her anything and the whole frkn town knows. ugh.
I really like your comparison on how friendships are like the lithosphere. I like that a lot.
HapaLove
[this is good]
It's a very true statement about friendships being constantly churning and changing; I think that's one thing in life that's been difficult for me to learn. Now I'm learning to accept and expect friendships to change over time, and also that friendship doesn't always mean the same thing to each friend involved.
Emmi

Sorry about that, Vox has been a real pain lately.

And yes that was the last time I confided in that woman!

Emmi

Merci - and yes friends who blab are not my friends for long. I actually don't mind having close friends / family who discuss me a bit, but this woman could not be discreet in any way, and we were'nt even that close. She had no boundaries - ugh I can't stand that!

You and I are both better off without them!

Emmi
Ha - yes economics do complicate things considerably. That's why I'm swearing off money. (If only.....)
Emmi
That's so true! And it's probably a huge part of the problem - misunderstandings and all the time it takes to know someone. There's probably a book on this topic out there!
six-string gypsy
well i'll toast to that, my friend! salud!
Raymond
Well, I'm not sure if we have to swear off money, I think the government is probably going to do it for us...wow, did I say that? Guess I'm gonna have to cut back on the Fox News a bit... :-)
KingOfAnkh
[this is good]
Great post.
A good friend to me is someone you may have not seen in ten years and still you hit it off like no time has come between you. I have four such friends and I count myself the luckiest man alive.
I also have friends that would do anything for me when the chips are down and I would do the same for them, a phonecall at 3am, I'm there for them, hopefully they would be there for me too, but it's not expected.
I also have friends whom I know, and they know me. We enjoy each others company and we buy each other drinks and life is good.
I also know people and we are amicable with each other.
I also say hello to people I have never met, because at the end of the day there are no strangers, only friends we have yet to meet.
Emjay
I seem to have "collected" one truly great friend from each stage of my life. My "best friend" is the girl I met in kindergarten and who I still have an incredible bond with 47 years later! Then I have a friend from university days; a friend from the first company I worked in; a friend from the second company; my first friend in America (met in the gym) etc. Then I have acquaintances met over the years and through my husband. I think I am blessed with both my friends and my acquaintances.
kermieladie0
thoughout my life, I don't have a great deal of BFFs. I only have trusted friends. Mostly from the years when I went to university and now with my partner and some of my few friends here, but still have 2 decide who? Well, I don't like to decide who, therefore when I passed, these people will know from my will.
Emmi
That is indeed a sweet deal that you have such friends. You certainly seem to reciprocate friendship so it doesn't surprise me. Having a regular gang is a benefit in countless ways. I used to have that in college but they all moved away, sigh. It takes a long time to find those types of people!
Emmi

That's amazing. Well I can see how you're a good friend in return - people of your character make friends easily. I'd like to think that region plays a part in it so someday I can find the "perfect" place to live - but scanning Vox for cool people shows me that they're quite spread out across the world.

KingOfAnkh
It certainly helps to be in a place where there are like minded people, but I have found from my many years as pub landlord that you find friends in the least expected of places.
For instance, I first met my drinking buddy on a paintball shoot out, he was on the opposing team and shot the hell out of me, I didn't see him then for a couple of years but we got chatting one evening and became firm friends.
Emmi

Same here - "trusted friends" is one of my favorite ways to describe people who I feel "deserve" my loyalty and I theirs.

Your will? O no, don't talk like that! ;)

Although it's so funny that you mentioned that, just a few mornings ago I was driving to one of my study sites and I began thinking, I'm the youngest person in both my immediate and extended family - who would I leave my stuff to? My cats have someone to care for them but after J and I are gone I think I would love to leave my stuff to some trusted friends and their children.

Emmi

That is great - a battlefield pain inducer turned buddy. I love it.

One of my best freinds of all time in college, L, was a fan of my show when I was a volunteer DJ at my college. She called in one time requesting a song, 2 hours later we were chatting about how her roomates weren't getting along and one of them poisoned her other roomate's fish. I was in hysterics and we were best buddies for 2 years (she actually married her pen pal in England, can you beleive it? She had never even met him)!

MEK

"...idiosyncacies I can forgive and forget for a long-term freindship..."

exactly

Post a comment

Already a Vox member? Sign in

You will be asked to join Vox to post this comment.